Call That Normal?
by black hearted evil
Summary: Kai is interviewing the Sonic Heroes. She interviews them, asking what a normal day to them is like. Only one question comes to mind... Call That Normal?
1. Shadow's tortures

**I hope a lot of people find this funny... I'm going to put them in my faves-least faves order... So... normally, that means, Shadow's up right now!**

"So, you're interviewing people on how their normal lives are?" Shadow asked Kai.

Kai nodded, holding a pencil and a notebook. "First is you!" she said happily.

**Shadow's normal day...**

Shadow woke up to the blaring sound of his alarm clock. He shot the clock with his gun and threw it into a pile of other shot clocks.

"Why do I need that? I don't even have a reason to wake up early..." he whispered.

He went back to sleep and woke up 2 ½ hours later. He rolled off of his bed and looked at his clock.

"11:07" it read.

Shadow walked downstairs. He picked up a Sonic doll with many pins in it. He ran down the stairs of his mansion. He ate breakfast and tortured his Sonic doll.

**Somewhere...**

"Ow! Ow! Ouch! Make it... ow! Stop!" Sonic yelled.

Knuckles watched Sonic fly around in mid-air, yelling in pain.

**Back to Shadow's...**

"Let's see my to-do-list... eat breakfast while torturing my Sonic doll... run around Station Square until you find Sonic and beat his ass up... then... cause mischief and beat Sonic up constantly while doing this... wow... not a lot to do today..." he whispered to himself.

Shadow ran out of his door. He walked into a Seven-Eleven and grabbed a slushie. (Long live the slushie!) He started walking out of the door. He was stopped by the cashier.

"Umm... sir... you need to pay for that..."

"Kiss my black ass!" he said, flipping the finger.

The cashier had her mouth wide open. She was pressing a button under the table. The manager came out of his office.

"Hey, aren't you that retarded hedgehog that thought that clouds were made of cotton candy?"

"HELL NO! That's not me! You've got me confused for an blue hedgehog! ARE YOU COLOR-BLIND?" Shadow yelled.

"Oh..." the manager gasped. "YOU'RE THE HEDGEHOG THAT OWES ME $6,700 FOR SLUSHIES!" the manager yelled.

"Umm... no..." he said, hiding the slushie behind his back.

"SECURITY!"

Two men wearing uniforms pulled Shadow away from the manager.

"I'LL GET YOU! I WILL! LONG LIVE THE SLUSHIE!" Shadow yelled.

Shadow was thrown out of the store and he landed on the ground. He growled and ran away.

"I hate that store and I'm never going in there again..." he said to himself.

_Wait... this seems familiar..._

**Yesterday...**

"I hate Seven-Eleven... I'm never going in there again..."

**The day before that...**

"Jeez, the new cashier's a bitch... she shoulda just let me go without any force... I'm never going in there again..."

**One last one...**

"Man, that kid just swiped that last large cup of slushie... their service sucks... I'm never going in there again..."

**Back to reality...**

"Oh... now I remember..."

He ran around Station Square until he found Sonic. Sonic cowered in fear as he got closer. Shadow grabbed the little blue blob and put him upside down.

"Do you have $6,700?" Shadow asked him.

He was being held upside down with a gun pointed to his head.

"Umm... umm... I don't even have insurance... that's partially why I don't drive... just don't hurt me!" Sonic yelped.

Shadow dropped him on the street and ran away. A few miles later, he looked at his to-do-list.

"Last one... cause mischief and beat Sonic's ass up. I hate his gay faking ass..." Shadow said.

He got an idea. From where he stood, he rang the doorbell of every house in a two block radius. He then had enough speed to run away. A few streets away, he heard the shouts of angry neighbors.

He smiled. A little boy holding a Sonic balloon passed him. He walked in front of the boy.

"Cool! You're Sonic's arch enemy!" he said.

"Yeah, I guess..."

"Can you sign my forehead?" the boy asked.

Shadow smiled and took out a (permanent) marker. He wrote something on the boy's head.

"Thanks, Shadow!"

Shadow shrugged. Then, a few seconds later, a woman came by and smacked him on the head.

"YOU WROTE 'KISS MY BLACK ASS' ON MY SON'S FOREHEAD?" she asked. She started wheezing and took out an inhaler.

Shadow took this as a chance to run. "One last thing to do before I go back home... torture Sonic."

He tortured Sonic once more, leaving Sonic crying all the way home. Shadow smiled and walked back home.

**Anyway...**

"And that's it?" Kai asked, finishing her notes.

Shadow nodded. He took out a Sonic doll and started torturing it.

"Lemme try!" Kai yelled. Kai took it away from him and she tied it's arms together.

**Somewhere...**

"Sonic, you okay?" Knuckles asked.

"I'm... tied up right now..."

"Okay, I'll come back later..."

"NO! WHAT I MEANT IS TIED UP! AS IN MY ARMS ARE-... never mind..."

**Likey? R+R! Next is Knuckles!**


	2. Knuckles's day

**Sorry, but from now on, I will not be accepting anymore one word reviews... they're just so annoying! So, anyway... right now it's Knuckles...**

Knuckles yawned. "Tell me why you're doing this again?"

"It's for my school newspaper... normal lives of Sonic Heroes... and bad guys." Kai murmured.

"Okay, then... I guess it's for a good cause... but it might get pretty boring..."

**Knuckles's normal day...**

Knuckles blinked as he opened his eyes._ The sun feels warm today, the water seems so close, the birds are-... the water seems so close? Wait... then that means... wait... actually... I don't know what that means..._

Knuckles stood up and turned around. He didn't see the M.E.

"THAT'S WHAT IT MEANS!" he yelled.

"KNUCKLEHEAD! You're just gonna let me steal it and get away?"

Knuckles turned around to find Rouge. She was down under the steps of the altar. Knuckles gasped and ran down the stairs.

Rouge gave him the emerald without any argument.

**Right now...**

"Wait a minute, wait a minute... Rouge won't just give you the emerald..." Kai said.

"Okay fine... but most of the time, she whoops my ass... that's why I said this instead."

Kai sighed and erased her notes.

**Knuckles's normal day...**

He tried to punch Rouge with his right hand, but sadly failed as she jumped and he fell crashing to the ground. Rouge pushed him to the edge near the water.

"Look guardian... I won't push you in the water for no reason... so..." Rouge held the Master Emerald in her hands. She walked over to the edge of Angel Island and dropped the Master Emerald in the water. Knuckles's eyes widened and he jumped into the water. Rouge sighed.

"How many times does he fall for this?" she asked, taking out the real emerald from her pocket.

**Underwater...**

Knuckles saw the emerald. _Wait, something's wrong... it's... dissolving? Wait... there's another thing wrong... I actually know what dissolving means?_ He picked up the fakie and resurfaced.

He jumped up on Angel Island. Rouge was still there. She said something under her breath that sounded so much like the word 'idiot'.

"Something's wrong with the emerald... it was dissolving!" Knuckles said.

"Something's wrong with **you**... that's a fake!"

"Wha-?"

"I got the real one and you aren't taking it from me!" she said.

She started flying away. Knuckles sat down to ponder over this for a while. He then gasped and followed her.

She flew into Station Square with Knuckles trying to get to her. He was gliding. Knuckles landed on his feet for a small break, suddenly, he bumped into a blue hypersonic hedgehog.

"HI KNUCKLES!" Sonic yelled.

"Why the hell are you yelling?" Knuckles demanded.

"BECAUSE I'M HIGH OFF OF SUGAR! SUGAR! SUGAR!" Sonic said loudly.

Suddenly, Sonic was pulled up in mid-air. He started yelling.

"Ow! Ow! Ouch! Make it... ow! Stop!" he said.

Knuckles found great pleasure in this and stopped to watch this instead. A lot of others were watching too. Even Rouge stopped to witness his pain.

After that was over, Knuckles finally got to Rouge.

"Gimme that emerald!" he said.

Rouge looked at him with a raised eyebrow. She started cracking up.

"What?" Knuckles asked, confused.

"Like I'd give you this emerald without a fight." she said.

**Right now...**

"Umm... let's just skip the fight!" Knuckles said quickly.

"Why? You lost again?" Kai asked.

"Sometimes... okay fine... most of the times! Happy?" he asked her.

**Knuckles's normal day...**

After getting his ass beat yet again, he managed to get the emerald in a way he can never forget.

_Flashback..._

_Knuckles sighed. "Rouge... if I give you what you want, will you give that back?" he asked._

"_Okay... then, take me on a date!"_

_Knuckles was shocked... and confused. _

_End flashback..._

He brought the emerald back onto Angel Island. He started going to Sonic's to ask what happened that morning.

"I'm tied up right now..."

"Okay, I'll come back later..."

"NO! WHAT I MEANT IS-" Knuckles walked away and couldn't hear the rest.

**Right now...**

"And that's it?" Kai asked.

Knuckles nodded. Kai looked down off of Angel Island and found Sonic floating in mid-air and yelling for help. She laughed.

"Good thing Tails is close by... I'm interviewing him next!"

**So, Tails is next... (sigh) the little kitsune can get a little annoying at times...**


	3. Tails's adventure

**It's Tails! Next chappie after this is Amy Rose! I probably think that Sonic's last...**

"So, what am I to say? My day is pretty boring at times..." the young kitsune told Kai.

"Well... just tell me the exciting, funny parts of your life..." Kai said.

Tails sighed. "Fine..."

**Tails's normal day...**

Tails woke up at 5:30 am to work in his laboratory.

**Right now...**

"Wait! What the hell? 5:30?" Kai asked.

Tails nodded. Kai's mouth was wide open.

**Tails's normal day...**

Tails traveled down to his laboratory, in his basement. "Let's see... I think with this invention, I can make Eggman less fat and Sonic less gay." Tails said, working on his invention.

Tails had an Eggman doll and a Sonic doll. "I can test it out on this..." he said, pointing to the dolls.

He pointed his new invention at the two dolls. He fired the laser. Sure enough, it made the Eggman doll less fat... it completely destroyed the Sonic doll... but since when did he care about the blue bastard?

A few minutes later, Tails was holding the huge laser. He went over to Eggman's secret base.

"Tails? How did you find me? This is a secret base!" Eggman told him.

"It said so on the EvilEggman website." Tails said.

"Oh... yeah..." Eggman said.

"I have a preposition for you..." Tails said. "I can help you out..." Tails said, pointing to his laser.

Tails gripped onto his laser and shot Eggman. Eggman suddenly became a bit taller, and thinner.

"What happened to my manly muscles?" Eggman asked angrily.

Tails had a huge smile. He started cracking up. Tails pointed the laser at Eggman again and reversed it.

"Yes! I'm back! Look and compliment my manliness!" Eggman said.

"M-m-manliness?" Tails asked crazily.

Tails fell down on the floor. He was cracking up. He suddenly sat back up with a few tears in his eyes. They were tears from laughing too much. He stood up and started for the door.

"Where do you think you're going?" Eggman asked.

Tails raised an eyebrow and pointed his laser at Eggman again. Eggman jumped from horror and shook his head quickly. Tails smiled and walked out the door.

He saw Sonic a few minutes later... he was held upside down with a gun at his head... by Shadow. After Shadow left, Tails ran over to Sonic.

"Oh... hey little bro..." he said weakly.

Tails looked at him on the floor. Tails grabbed his hand and helped him up.

"Sonic... I need to test something on you... is it okay?" Tails asked.

"S-sure..." Sonic mumbled weakly.

Tails put on a wicked smile and took his laser out. He pointed at Sonic and waited for a result.

Sonic gasped when he saw what happened.

"TAILS! I'M IN A CHICK'S BODY!" Sonic said.

Sonic was a blue hedgehog with a ponytail. He/she wore a sky blue dress.

"Change me back!" Sonic said angrily.

"NO WAY IN HELL!" Tails said.

Sonic grabbed Tails by the collar.

"You change me back... now..." Sonic threatened.

Tails smiled. "You know what I like about being a small kid?" Sonic shook his head.

"HELP! CHILD ENDANGERMENT! RAPE! PEDOPHILE!" Tails yelled.

Sonic the temporary girl was cuffed. Police dragged Sonic away from Tails. Tails smiled. He watched Sonic getting pulled away by police.

Tails returned home. The phone rang. He answered it.

"I got one phone call... just one... can you give the police the thing to reverse... the girl-ifier?... And a few bucks to bail me out?" Sonic asked.

Tails was laughing loudly. A few minutes later, he talked to some of the policemen and they reversed Sonic's... gender. Tails then sighed and bailed Sonic out.

"Why'd you do that?" Sonic asked.

"Because you might miss your appointment with your psychologist..." Tails said.

"That's it? I can't believe that..." Sonic said.

"Wait... are you? I don't know actually... maybe you are... maybe you aren't..." Tails said.

"Well, thanks anyway..." Sonic said.

Tails shrugged. "Still think that you're pedophile..." he said.

Tails returned home. He jumped onto his bed and went to sleep.

**Right now...**

"And that's it?" Kai asked.

"Well... yeah..."

"Just tell me... why does almost everyone torture Sonic?" Kai asked.

"Who won't?" Tails asked.

"Okay... next, I'm interviewing Amy Rose..." Kai said.


	4. Amy's Stalking Days

**School… in… 2 days! It's worse than death or the apocalypse! Well… here's Amy!**

"Amy Rose is here…" Kai said, writing something on the notebook she brought.

"That's my line!" Amy said loudly.

"So?" Kai asked. "Go on… tell me about a normal day…"

"Umm… most of the time, I'm with Rouge or Cream…"

"Okay… just tell me something I can write…" Kai said.

**Amy's normal day…**

Amy woke up to find Rouge in her house.

"R-Rouge?" she asked groggily.

"Wake up! I woke you up because… on my calendar, it's 'Steal M.E. and Kick Knuckles's Ass' day." Rouge said. Amy looked at her clock. She had slept till noon!

"Isn't it that day every day?" Amy asked her.

"Yup!" Rouge said with a smile.

Amy took a photo out from underneath her pillow.

"I wuv my wittwe hedgie…" Amy said, clutching onto the picture for dear life.

"Ooh… new pic, stalker?" Rouge asked.

Amy nodded happily. After a few seconds, she finally noticed that Rouge called her a stalker.

"Lemme see it…" Rouge said.

Amy showed her a picture. On it, Shadow the hedgehog was standing confused… as if Amy popped out of nowhere and took a picture of him.

**Right now…**

"Shadow is mine! Not yours!" Kai yelled.

"I heard that, Kai! He's mine!" Jayln yelled from… somewhere.

Kai sighed. "It's not my fault he's hot… just continue…"

**Amy's normal day…**

"So, anyway, I gotta go!" Rouge said, running out of her door.

Amy sighed. "Now, I run around and chase Sonic so I can torture his blue ass… then, stalk Shadow and if I find Sonic, kick his ass… and then I stalk Shadow some more… trying my best not to be seen… and then… before returning home, I kick Sonic's gay, blue ass yet again…" she mumbled to herself.

Amy ran out of her door. She went into Station Square. There, she saw Sonic, near a Seven-Eleven. She ran towards him. He gasped and started running away. Then, she saw Shadow come out of the Seven-Eleven and she jumped into a bush. She watched him intimidate Sonic… Shadow held him upside down with a gun to his head. Amy found this rather amusing.

After Shadow left, Sonic was arrested because of Tails. Amy decided to follow his blue ass. A few minutes later, she was speaking to the policemen.

"Sir… is it okay to talk to Sonic?… He's my best friend…" Amy said.

A few minutes later, Amy was sitting down with a phone connecting to Sonic's phone.

"What do you want, Amy?" he asked.

"Heh, heh… you're a fucking girl! Ever notice that?" Amy asked.

"Shut up…" Sonic said.

Amy pouted and then got an idea. "Help! He's verbally threatening me!" she yelled.

Several policemen jumped onto Sonic with guns and stuff. They put him back in his cell… but not before yelling: "I'll get you, Amy! I'll kill you!"

Then, many more policemen jumped onto him and started beating him up with their flashlights, pepper spray and other stuff…

A few minutes later, she walked out of the police station and saw Tails walking in with money and a huge invention.

"What's that?" Amy asked.

Tails sighed. "Money to bail Sonic… and an invention that… not only reverses his gender… but… it also makes him more gay…"

"How much more gay can he get?" Amy asked.

She ran away from Tails. Later, she spied on Shadow ringing the doorbells of houses. She saw him write something on a boy's forehead. She ran up to that boy.

The little boy was crying. "Oh… it's okay… now… can you surgically remove your skin so I can have that thing on your forehead?" Amy asked.

The boy ran away from her and into the arms of his mother.

A few minutes later, she found Sonic in his house with his arms tied up.

"Err… Amy…" he gasped. "Can you help me?"

"Hell no! I like it with you like that!"

"What?" Sonic asked.

Amy left… but not before hanging Sonic upside down above a huge fiery pit that seemed like hell. She left laughing.

Right now… 

"Mine… okay? Mine…" Kai said.

Amy nodded.

"Next is Rouge!" Kai said.

**It kinda lacked… but it was okay…**


	5. Team Chaotix's Case

**CHANGE OF PLANS! NOT ROUGE! My favorite team… someone told me that Espio is a heliotrope color… thanx for that… I'll need to remember that… yes… I like the whole team equally. (Espio and Charmy a little more than Vector)**

**V.B.-read down there…**

**Joshua- Yes… I'll do it… ever went to the official Code Lyoko website? Look that up on google! After you get in, you should… then, click on the American flag because you're American… duh! YumixUlrich… OddxAelita… NOT JEREMY! Hate that smarty pants sonofabitc-**

"Wait… so… I need to interview all of you?" Kai asked.

"Yup! You interview one of us… you have to interview all of us…" Charmy said.

"Sooo… I guess I have to switch POV's then…" Kai said.

"What's a P-O-V?" Charmy asked.

"POINT OF VIEW!" Kai yelled, already disgusted by his stupidity.

**Espio's POV, normal day…**

Espio stood there in the office. Invisible. He was practicing his aiming… because, last time, he hit Vector's new CD player and they had to buy a new one. (Oh! The horror!)

Espio threw a shirukan (ninja star) at the wall behind Vector. He was supposed to hit the drawing of Sonic on the head… instead… it hit a much lower place… under the waist. Espio winced at what he had done and slowly walked to the door. He pushed the door open and knocked Charmy out cold.

**Charmy's POV, normal day…**

Charmy was flying over to the door of the agency… but he couldn't see… 9 boxes of pizza hid his eyes. He flew over to the door. He couldn't open it. Suddenly, the door swung open and hit him on the head.

**Vector's POV, normal day…**

"Hey, did Charmy bring the pizza yet?" he asked loudly.

Espio had a very suspicious smile on.

"Lemme guess… you were practicing with your aiming… hit the wrong place… and then, to prevent from getting embarrassed, you tried to get away, and hit Charmy on the head, causing him to be knocked out cold." Vector said.

"H-how'd you know?" Espio asked.

"It's all part of being a good detective…" Vector said.

"Whatever… let's eat, I'm starved!" Espio said.

"I'm turning this up… now that Charmy's not here to tell me it's too loud."

**Charmy's POV, normal day…**

Charmy opened his eyes as he heard the word food.

"Food?" he asked. He got up and heard Vector's music blasting from inside the agency walls. He started pounding on the agency doors. "Dang! Espio and Vector can't hear me!" Charmy said.

Then, someone walked up behind him. Charmy turned to find… Cream.  
(who I personally hate unless she's w/Tails… update that story, V.B.!)

"Cream… what are you doing here?" Charmy asked.

She was gasping for breath. "I…need detectives…" she said.

Charmy gasped. "My friend's a detective… I'll call him!" Charmy said.

Charmy grabbed her cell phone and dialed someone… suddenly, his cell started ringing. He answered it.

"Hello?"

"Who is this?"

"This is Charmy…"

"I'm Charmy!"

Cream sighed and rolled her eyes. She suddenly grabbed the phone and called someone.

**Espio's POV, normal day…**

"-hic- This is Team –hic- Dark… Rouge speak-hic-ing…" he said in a drunk way.

Vector grabbed the phone. "Team Chaoti-hic-x Agenc-hic-y… Vec-hic-tor speaking…" he said.

"OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!" Cream yelled through the phone.

Espio started kissing the picture on the wall. The aiming board, Sonic.

**Vector's POV, normal day…**

"So… -hic-… what's wrong…-hic- Tails?" Vector asked.

"I'm NOT Tails! Do I look like Tails?" Cream asked angrily.

"What-hic-ever… whaddya need us for?" Vector asked.

"I have some creepy, blue, pedophile stalker!" Cream said.

"-hic- Okay, mister… we'll –hic- help you out…" Espio said.

"MISTER?" Cream asked angrily.

"Sorry –hic- ma'am…" Vector said.

"Whatever… I need you guys to hunt him down and kick his ass…"

"Aren't you –hic- too young to curse?" Espio asked.

"Aren't you –fake hiccup- too young to drink?" Cream asked.

"Point taken… -hic- don't worry, we'll bring –hic- his blue ass down!" Vector said.

**Charmy's POV, normal day…**

"Yay! Yay! We're gonna solve another case!" Charmy cheered.

"This is the 5th pedophile case on Sonic…" Espio said.

"New record in one day!" Vector said.

They walked around Station Square. They talked to a policeman who was walking around.

"Excuse me… mister. Do you know where Sonic is?" Charmy asked politely.

"Sonic the blue retard? Sonic the pedophile? Sonic the hedgehog? He has many names…" Espio said, not feeling drunk anymore.

"Umm… yeah… we just threw his perverted blue ass in jail for molesting a small twin-tailed fox…" the guy said.

"Thanks!" Charmy said, as they left.

**Espio's POV, normal day…**

They saw Tails and Sonic walking out of the police station. Tails left Sonic in front of the building and Espio approached him.

"Sonic the pedophile… is it true that you molest children?" Espio asked.

"Is it true that Michael Jackson is your idol?" Vector asked.

"You're not going to rape me, are you?" Charmy asked.

Sonic had wide eyes. "What?" Sonic asked, confused.

**Charmy's POV, normal day…**

Charmy took out something from his pocket. He then put it on his stinger and stung Sonic. Sonic suddenly fell asleep.

"What was that?" Vector asked.

"Sleeping potion! Very effective!" Charmy said.

**Later… 3rd POV**

Sonic opened his eyes. "W-w-where am I?" Sonic asked.

He was tied up to a chair.

"Where were you about… 12 hours ago?" Vector asked.

"Umm… I was being paid to baby-sit Cream…" Sonic said.

"Right… so how about Tails? You molested him?" Espio asked.

"NO! He turned me into a girl so I had to threaten him!"

"Amy tells us that you verbally abused her…" Charmy said.

"Because she wanted her revenge on me…" Sonic said. "Can you untie me now? I have to go to the bathroom…"

"How'd we know that you won't escape?" Vector asked. "Espio… go with him."

Espio's eyes widened. "What?" he asked.

"I can't even piss by myself?" Sonic asked.

"Go invisible!" Charmy said.

"C'mon… I'll give you a small raise…" Vector said.

Espio sighed. "Fine… but I'm only doing it for money!"

**A few seconds later…**

"Oh. My. God. I. Am. Appalled." Espio said.

"Jeez… I am not going to the bathroom again ever… without that image of Espio trying to seduce me…" Sonic said.

"Seduce you?" Espio asked angrily.

**A few minutes later…**

"C'mon! I was joking! Please don't leave me! My Amy sense is tingling!"

Espio left… not before seeing Amy half-kill Sonic.

**Later…**

"Just check up on him, Espio…" Charmy said.

"What?" he sighed. "Fine… but I get a bigger raise…" Espio said.

Sonic… 

"Hello? I'm tied upside down above the fiery pits of hell… hello?" Sonic asked out.

Espio entered his house without being noticed. He then smiled when he saw Sonic tied up. It looked just like his aiming board.

"Okay, Espio… just throw your shirukan… above the fire… under his head… and then leave…" he whispered to himself.

Espio took out a shirukan (as I've told you… it means ninja star!) and aimed precisely. He threw it. It didn't go near the fire at all! Instead, it hit the rope that tied Sonic and Sonic started falling into the fiery pit of hell…

"Oh no… (a) I'll get fired for this… (b) I won't get my raise… (c) they'll be no one to torture without him!" Espio yelled.

He held onto Sonic's hand and threw him out the hole. Espio sighed as they were both safe. (A/N-NOO! It isn't an Espio/Sonic thing! EEW! I only write same gender romances!)

**Right now…**

"And… that's it…" Charmy said.

"Where was I in there?" Mighty asked behind them.

"Sorry, my report's only on SONIC HEROES… so… buh bye! Next is Rouge… and no changing this time!" Kai said.


	6. Rouge's Plans

**I did say no changing… didn't I? It's Rouge!**

"I know this is irrelevant to my report, Rouge… but why do you love Knuckles?" Kai asked.

"Oh! I just love his de-… wait… he's not here, is he?" she asked.

Kai simply shook her head.

"Okay… oh! I just love his determination skills, and when he acts like a knucklehead… it's sooo cute!" Rouge said.

Kai shrugged. "Gotcha… now… a normal day, please…"

**Rouge's normal day…**

Rouge woke up at 6:00 am… she usually wakes up earlier… but today, was another day… another chance to get that emerald and get that echidna!

She changed and started with her makeup.

"A good treasure hunter has to have good looks…" she always told herself.

_And that's exactly why I just adore that little echidna… but… I have to give him the impression of a regular thief who just wants the emerald… and then, of course… I torture Sonic after watching him get tortured… maybe grab a slushie…_

After a half hour in front of the mirror, Rouge left. "Let's see… I'll go over to Amy's at… I'll try 9:00… unless I get preoccupied…" she said quietly.

She flew over to Angel Island. "Good… the guardian's still asleep…" she whispered.

She slowly climbed up the steps and grabbed the M.E. She then started flying up. The altar started shaking and fell down to the water. Knuckles was still asleep.

"How is he still asleep? Whatever…" she landed on her two feet under the steps of the altar.

"THAT'S WHAT IT MEANS!" she heard him yell from above.

"KNUCKLEHEAD! You're just gonna let mea steal it and get away?" she asked him.

He started running down the steps and tripped in-

**Right now…**

"Sorry I stopped writing but… he tripped? He never told me that…" Kai said.

"He didn't tell you a lot of things… that's why his interview was boring…"

**Rouge's normal day…**

He started running down the steps and tripped in the progress. He stumbled down the steps and landed face down on the floor in front of Rouge. She sighed and rolled her eyes. She then helped him up.

"Thanks… now… gimme that emerald!" Knuckles said.

Rouge shook her head. Knuckles attempted a right hook but failed miserably. He then went crashing down to the floor.

_I have an idea! Let's see if he falls for the dissolving emerald again! It's purely made of rock candy… how many times has he fallen for that this month? 23? And today is the 24th… I got it… _

"Look guardian... I won't push you in the water for no reason... so..." Rouge held the Master Emerald in her hands. She walked over to the edge of Angel Island and dropped the Master Emerald in the water. Knuckles's eyes widened and he jumped into the water. Rouge sighed.

"Jeez… how many times is he gonna fall for this? Now, 24? On the 24th?" she sighed and took out the real emerald.

"He'll be up in a few seconds or so…" she said.

She was right, a few seconds later, Knuckles resurfaced with the fakie.

"Idiot…" she mumbled.

"Something's wrong with the emerald... it was dissolving!" Knuckles said.

"Something's wrong with **you**... that's a fake!"

"Wha-?"

"I got the real one and you aren't taking it from me!" she said.

Rouge smiled and flew off of the island. She watched Knuckles sit down and think about what she just said… but she didn't care.

In the city, she found Sonic…

"Hey… Sonic… you look so… not hyper…" Rouge said.

"I don't know… It's near 11:00… that's when Shadow wakes up…"

(**A/N**- Remember Shadow's chappie? What time does he start torturing Sonic?)

"I know what'll get you hyper… but… you have to annoy Knuckles for me… okay?" she asked.

He nodded quickly. Rouge took out something. It was a huge… orange… pixy stix! Sonic quickly jumped up for joy as he grabbed it from her. He gulped it down and was jumping around like crazy. Rouge backed up a bit and watched her minion do all the work.

Knuckles bumped into Sonic.

"HI KNUCKLES!" Sonic yelled.

"Why the hell are you yelling?" Knuckles demanded.

"BECAUSE I'M HIGH OFF OF SUGAR! SUGAR! SUGAR!" Sonic said loudly.

Suddenly, Sonic was pulled up in mid-air. He started yelling.

"Ow! Ow! Ouch! Make it... ow! Stop!" he said.

Rouge sighed and shook her head. "That's probably Shadow with his morning torture… jeez… he goes a bit overboard… us, Sonic Heroes only said that we torture him twice a day… but no… he gets extra torture… lucky bastard…" Rouge whispered.

Rouge ran away from the huge crowd of admirers of Sonic's… pain. She ran over to Amy's first to wake her up. She left after a few seconds and ran to where she last saw Sonic. He was still getting hurt by Shadow's morning torture. After that, she ran and Knuckles quickly followed… a few minutes later, he got her cornered in a dark alley.

"Knuckles… there's only one way you can take this emerald alive…"

**Right now…**

"WHAT! He told me that you wanted him on a date! Not like this kinda involvement! This is like 'mature' rated dates… what the hell? I'm here to give a report with other juniors… like me? Not some perverted pedophiles like Sonic!" Kai said.

"Well, he skipped that part because I kicked his ass a second time…" Rouge smiled.

Kai shook her head and kept writing. "Just so you know, Rouge… I'm not writing that in my report… you and Knuckles? Dark alley? No one sees you guys? THAT'S FUCKING WRONG!" she yelled.

**Rouge's normal day…**

Knuckles blinked a bit.

"W-w-where am I?" he asked.

Rouge was laughing. "Knuckles… I actually got you drunk? Now I know your weakness… if I ever want that emerald… I should just get you drunk!"

Knuckles jerked up. It was nighttime… and he was in the city.

"Wha-? What happened after I left sugar-high Sonic?" Knuckles asked.

"I got you drunk… and we were both in an alley alone… what do you think you did?"

"I… almost had sex with you?" Knuckles asked.

"Almost?" Rouge asked back.

"WHAT? I did?" he asked, hyperventilating a bit.

**Right now…**

"Rouge… be happy that I can change this into an 'M' rating anytime… and I thought that Sonic was a perv…" Kai said.

"So? I just want to say it to the world! Knuckles is really good at-" she was stopped by two hands on her mouth. One was Kai's and the other was Knuckles. He was hyperventilating a bit.

"Rouge! I told you! No drinking before something special!" Kai yelled.

**Rouge's normal day…**

Rouge winked at Knuckles and left him dazed. "Hey… I gave him the emerald back…" Rouge said.

She then traveled to Sonic's house to ask him how it felt like to fly in mid-air… getting hurt. She found him at the corner of his house, shaking in fear. There was a pit of fire in the middle of the room and a rope hanging over it. Rouge shrugged and returned home.

**Right now…**

"Wow… I wonder how much pain and suffering Sonic'll talk about once I get to him…" Kai said.

She looked at Rouge who currently had her mouth taped shut. She ripped of the duct tape.

"I just want to say that Knuckles… even though he's only 16… is really good at-"

"STOP POISINING THE YOUTH OF AMERICA! EVEN THE WORLD!" Kai said.

"We can just go with plan B and stuff Sonic's sock in her mouth…" Knuckles said.

"NOOOO!" Rouge yelled. She quickly covered her mouth.

Kai sighed. "Yayness! Join us next time for… Cream!" Kai said.

"Cream? That bitch! She's before the last member of Team Dark?" Rouge asked.

Kai rolled her eyes. Knuckles sighed.

**Sorry, not doing Big… he's too nice and won't hurt/abuse Sonic… Omega… I'll write him the chappie before Sonic… Wait... unless you guys can suggest how Big can be a nuisance to Sonic... and review... pwease?  
**


	7. Cream's Evil Plan

I'm finally in 8th grade! Yes! Yes! Yes! I took some of the suggestions… like **ShadowIsCool, The Kitsune Warrior **and **Gahlik**-I keep calling you Gahlik even though you changed… huh…

**Whatever! One of my friends e-mailed me, asking me if Kai can hurt Sonic in any way… so… additional pain for Sonic! Yay!**

**ShadowIsCool-** Rated 'T' can have those things in it? I mean… just the… talk… not writing about it or anything… (I already read some of his stories 

"Oh. My. God. Never… ever get Rouge to drink before an interview… she's like… a sexophile…" Knuckles said.

Kai looked at him… and then at the little girl sitting in front of her.

"You're the one that got her started on it… if you didn't do that… don't you think that she wouldn't talk about it?" Kai asked him.

"Umm…" Cream mumbled.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Knuckles asked angrily.

Knuckles attempted to punch Kai but she backed away in time… causing him to fall down on her.

"Well, since you two are busy… I'll interview her!"

Kai pushed Knuckles off to find Sonic on her chair.

"Grr…. Sonic…"

"What?"

Kai kicked him off of the chair and he landed outside of the room.

"Okay, Cream… I know that it was a bit… long… but please start…" Kai said.

**Cream's normal day…**

Cream opened her eyes to find that she was in the park. She sat up to find Sonic the blue retard next to her. He had a smile that creeped her out.

"Okay, look Cream, your mom told me to-"

Cream got up and tried to run from him. He picked her up and Cream struggled to break free. She then remembered something that Rouge taught her… for self-defense.

She looked angry and kicked him in… the groin area. He yelled loudly and dropped her. Cream landed on her toes. She woke up her sleeping chao and ran away from the blue pervert.

She kept running and running.

"Cheese… what should… we do?" Cream asked, gasping for breath.

The two stopped.

"Chow, chow!" Cheese said, pointing to someone.

Cream directed her head over to Cheese's finger. Charmy was holding nine boxes of pizza and was climbing up the stairs to get to the front door for… the Team Chaotix Agency!

Cream and Cheese ran after Charmy. Sonic was still following them, got hit by 3 cars, and almost died. (why didn't he?)

"Watch it, jerk!" someone yelled as he crossed the street.

"ASSHOLE!" another person yelled.

Cream suddenly slammed the door into Sonic's face. Cheese locked it and started flying up… when they got up, Cream started gasping for breath. She witnessed Charmy getting hit on the head by the door. She ran up to Charmy. He suddenly awoke when he heard the word 'food'.

Charmy turned around to find Cream.

"Cream, what are you doing here?" he asked.

"I… need detectives…" she said, still trying to catch her breath.

Charmy gasped. "My friend's a detective… I'll call him!" Charmy said.

Charmy grabbed her cell phone and dialed someone… suddenly, his cell started ringing. He answered it.

"Hello?"

"Who is this?"

"This is Charmy…"

"I'm Charmy!"

Cream rolled her eyes to Charmy's stupidity. She grabbed her cell phone back and started calling Espio. She was surprised when Espio **actually** picked up.

"-hic- This is Team –hic- Dark… Rouge speak-hic-ing…" he said in a drunk way.

Vector grabbed the phone. "Team Chaoti-hic-x Agenc-hic-y… Vec-hic-tor speaking…" he said.

"OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!" Cream yelled through the phone.

Vector walked over to the door and opened it. Cream pulled Charmy inside… who was still talking to himself on the phone.

"So –hic- …what's wrong… -hic- Tails?" Vector asked in a drunk way…

"I'm NOT Tails! Do I look like Tails?" Cream asked angrily.

"What-hic-ever… whaddya need us for?" Vector asked.

"I have some creepy, blue, pedophile stalker!" Cream said.

"-hic- Okay, mister… we'll –hic- help you out…" Espio said.

"MISTER?" Cream asked angrily.

"Sorry –hic- ma'am…" Vector said.

"Whatever… I need you guys to hunt him down and kick his ass…"

"Aren't you –hic- too young to curse?" Espio asked.

"Aren't you –fake hiccup- too young to drink?" Cream asked. She glared at them all with an evil stare. She eyed them, one to one.

"Point taken… -hic- don't worry, we'll bring –hic- his blue ass down!" Vector said.

"So, what do I do?" Cream asked.

"You know… just hang around… make sure you don't bump into Sonic… he's our suspect!" Charmy said.

Cream shrugged.

She walked out of the agency and found that stupid, fat, purple, cat.

"Hello, Mr. Big… I have a job for you…" Cream said with an evil smile.

**Later…**

"And that'll come to $200… will that be cash or credit?" he asked stupidly.

Cream laughed evilly. (hard to see her like that…)

After that evilness, she pranced around town… and filmed every single second of Sonic's horror…

"Big! Shut up and get the fuck away from me!" Sonic said.

"But… I'm just asking…." Big said.

"Ask some other fucking bastard!" Sonic said.

Big looked hurt. Sonic sighed. Big followed him around everywhere… and when Sonic started running, Big would always grab onto his tail. (And it's not very pretty if you pull a pet's tail… that's like pulling a boy's-)

Sonic got tired of running and tried hiding instead… but Big's fatass knew where he was.

Cream filmed the whole thing, laughing crazily.

Later, she watched as Team Chaotix messed with Sonic.

**Right now…**

"Hah! That's hilarious!" Kai said, screeching in laughter.

"Whatever…" Knuckles said.

"Shut up, Knuckles!" Kai said.

She stood up, ready to fight. Knuckles looked angry and wanted to fight too.

Sonic smiled. Knuckles stepped up to fight Kai and Sonic purposely tripped him. He suddenly fell on Kai (again) Then, Sonic did something that Kai and Knuckles would hate him for. Sonic 'tripped' and accidentally pushed Knuckles into Kai. It ended up into a very… awkward kiss.

Sonic started cracking up. Knuckles and Kai stood up. They looked at Sonic with a harsh glare. Sonic swallowed a hard lump in his throat. Cream closed her eyes and heard:

"OH SHIT! NOOO! DON'T HURT ME THERE! OUCH!"

**Seriously had writer's block here… so it kinda sucked… but… she talked to Big… right? Mwuhahahaha! Big is stupid! Umm… Omega is next.**


End file.
